Friday, January 12, 2007

Black Snake Moan Movie


White Slavery

Seriously, click the above link. Don't come back here 'til you've seen Samuel L. Jackson and Christina Ricci's new movie.

It's from the same fella that brought you Hustle & Flow that really great movie about Memphis.

You know what I liked about his Hustle & Flow? I liked that it was a movie that wasn't afraid to show a Black Woman being strong - by backing-up her man (you know, the one that sings "Whup That Trick" which means beat your bitch). That's what the director fucking said. That a black woman is being strong when she supports the kinda guy that's willing to make a dirty buck by emphasizing that women not only get beaten by men, but sometimes we gotta burst into song when we need to beat a bitch.

This looks like another life-affirming, woman-as-strong-type movie. What else can we think? It's gonna be about God, and trying really hard to be good. Oh, and slavery. Because, who isn't ultimately made better by being held against their will?

What's that, you squirmy-little-liberal-worm? You think that if this guy wanted to make a movie about a woman overcoming sexual abuse that it should be based on real situations of overcoming? What ever, you faggot!

Seriously, there is a boardroom full of wealthy Americans (our supposed equals before the law and all) that are meeting and saying to one another after viewing this trailer and being given the pitch about this movie, "This is a great product! Let's invest millions of dollars on this! Surely our investors will approve of this product and we can continue to make profitable returns on their investment, which means we are good stewards of society!"

WHAT?!

Don't get me wrong, I want to see this movie because, hey, who doesn't like watching Sam Jackson give it to some ultra-hot white bitch? I mean, she's WAAAAYYY hotter than all the other sexually abused girls I meet. I just want their to be the proper statement made here: we like our women subservient, and our justice private. Real private.

Seriously. Go on, tell me I'm overanalyzing this one. Seriously. They didn't make this movie with ugly white women. They didn't make this movie where Sam Jackson has a half naked white boy (ambiguously aged around 24, nice and lean, and hairless, like we likes 'em) chained up in his house.

They didn't make this movie where Mickey Rourke or Willem Defoe has a half naked black boy (who's been buggered by his uncle) chained in his house.... You know why? Because that's not what people will believe is okay to watch. And that's fucked up! It's fucked up that people will say, "yeah, alright, I'll buy that it's entertaining to watch a woman half naked chained to a nasty-looking dude's floor."

No one's jumping up and down saying, "Whoa, whoa, whoa!!!! Justin Timberlake in boxers being held hostage by Mel Gibson so that Mel can get the evil outta Justin - that I can watch (especially the reference to getting washed by Mel, yumadumdum). - But this, no way, totally unbelievable, and inappropriate."

And that's what I'm saying here, the average adult in America (land of the fucking free and empowered and all that shit) would say that Orlando Bloom (or Keanu Reeves) being chained and held hostage in Lawrence Fishburne's house would be an inappropriate movie to make. But Christina Ricci hostage to Sam Jackson - yeah alright. Couldn't he have Lucy Lu and Beyonce also chained-up? That way he could cure them of their lesbianism? You know how libidinous women get....

Never mind that this film HAS to be set in the South.... Again, I guess because it's more believable (perhaps even necessary) to have white slaves in the south. No one would believe me if I said I'm gonna make a movie where Forrest Whittaker (or Ossie Davis) holds Holly Hunter hostage, naked, in a Sherman Oaks, CA ranch house near Gary Shandling's home. People'd go nuts if I made that movie.

Every meth-buying, pillow-biting, evangelical preacher in America would be on my case about that shit. Fuck, Billy Graham would get millions of dollars sent to his campaign to clean-up Hollywood if I made that movie. But this one, it's all good.

Having a female (probably regardless of race) chained up to a man's home (in the south), and establishing that this is how good things can happen for everyone, that's all good. Seriously?

Make the motherfuckin' movie where Ving Rhames gets held hostage by Vin Diesel so that Diesel can learn about how this big, beautiful, black man was getting mouth-fucked by his father, and subsequently became a thugged-out gangsta in Salt Lake City - of course don't forget to include that Vin Diesel has to sponge bathe his chained-up ward. Go on, make it. Now tell me that I'm overanalyzing this movie....

Thursday, January 11, 2007